Barrel of Bricks

Will Cajole, Attorney at Law
182 Sixty Ninth Street
Spread Eagle, Virginia

Dear Will:

In response to your letter in which the insurance company that you represent had questions about my sanity, let me state the facts leading to the accident, and it will prove my presence of mind.

As sole owner of my own construction company, I was working on the sixth and final floor of a brick building that I had constructed.

Upon completion of this floor, I realized that I had about 500 pounds of bricks left over up there. So, in order to get these bricks down to the ground, I used my ingenuity and rigged up a pulley on the sixth floor, through which I ran a heavy rope. I then secured the rope on the ground, went back up to sixth floor and tied a big barrel to the end of the rope that was through the pulley.

I then proceeded to load the 500 pounds of bricks into the barrel and went down to the ground to lower them.

Since you and I have never met, I should now explain to you that I weigh only 150 pounds.

When I grabbed a firm hold of the rope and undid the knot, I began a most rapid ascent toward the sixth floor.

It was near the third floor that I met the barrel of bricks. I felt an excruciating pain in my left shoulder as this heavy barrel nearly tore my arm off. (This explains my broken shoulder, splintered collarbone and facial cuts).

Then, as the barrel of bricks crashed to the ground, three of my fingers had become tightly wedged into the pulley. (This explains my broken fingers and sprained wrist).

While trying to get my fingers out of the pulley, I looked down and realized that the bottom of the barrel had broken out upon crashing, and soon I was descending toward the ground at a most rapid pace with the now-empty barrel coming up toward me.

As the barrel caught my right leg, (again near the third floor), and nearly caused me to lose hold of the rope, I continued downward, now with a broken knee and splintered tibia.

When I finally crashed upon the pile of bricks, breaking my neck and spine, I lay there, realizing all that had happened to me, and looked straight up at the bottomless barrel on sixth floor directly above me, and I did have the presence of mind to let go of the rope.

Now that you are aware that I knew what I was doing the whole time, please have the insurance company pay the doctor and hospital bills.


Nitt Witt

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